After every sexual escapade my friends and I enjoyed in college, we’d ask each other one very big, important question: “Was he packing the heat?”
It’s almost comical to think having a big penis equates to good sex, because, honestly — and this is something I wish I could scream at my early 20-something self — that’s just total bullshit. Does that mean the ladies don’t typically prefer a big D? Nope. Because those are still great. But it does mean how you use it will almost always trump size. And sometimes too big can be, well, a problem.
Just ask these nine gals who agreed to share their too-big-penis horror stories.
Blow jobs are absolute nightmares
“Girth is definitely a game-changer for getting off, so in my opinion that’s the real advantage of a big dick. It’s really more how they use it though. One way big dicks totally suck is for blow jobs. One guy I dated has a wide and really long penis, and that made giving one pretty awful. I was literally gagging all over the thing to the point it felt like I could throw up — and just drooling saliva everywhere. I kept having to stop and take breaks, which made it harder for to him finish. With a small penis, you can put the entire thing in your mouth, and they finish in like five minutes.” — Kelly, 30
The biggest dick I’ve still ever encountered to this day is when I was 18 years old… I don’t even think I really knew what a big dick was in the grand scheme of things — this was only the second one I had ever encountered. I obviously didn’t have much to compare it to. But I knew when I first saw it I was taken aback big time… 15 years later, it’s still the biggest one I’ve ever seen. The bad part about it is I just started assuming sex was always going to be painful because I didn’t know any better! It was like losing my virginity again and again every time we had sex. I had to, like, gear up for it. We dated into college, and I’ll admit, once we got a little more practice, the girth of his penis definitely made things get better. It got really good, actually. That also came with just getting more comfortable. But when you come out the gate with something like that, every other penis you see seems sorta average.” — Katie, 28
Guys with huge penises have less sex, not more
“I once hooked up with this guy whose penis was seriously like a Coke can. I refused to even have sex with him, it was too wide. It wouldn’t even fit in my mouth! We went our separate ways, and later I found out he decided to actually get surgery to make it smaller.” — Stephanie, 29
“I met this guy out one night and we really hit it off. He was super hot, really tall… he came over later that night, and when he was fingering me, he was like: ‘Wow, you’re so tight. I don’t know if we can have sex. I may rip you in two.’ I sorta rolled my eyes at him, like OK dude. Then he took his pants off, and I was like ‘Oh.’ It was like a baby’s arm. We ended up not having sex. Mainly because we were both drunk, and he had a bit of whiskey dick. Then he woke me up in the middle of the night to do it, and when he started, I actually screamed: “Get it out of me!” And I am hardly a virgin. So I guess there can be such a thing as too big.” — Jane, 33
Big dicks restrict your sexual repertoire
“You know that episode of Sex and the City where they say a hot guy never thinks he has to be good at sex because he’s hot? That’s sorta what I’ve encountered with guys who have really big penises. A couple of guys I’ve dated who have above-average ones just assume because they have that, they’re awesome in bed. A new level of cocky. Um, you still have to actually be good at sex. That big penis isn’t going to do everything for you. I’d rather have a big penis than a teeny peen, but I have noticed that guys with average or smaller penises will at least sometimes work a little harder to make up for that — and are usually way better in bed.” — Caroline, 32
I don’t know how this happened, but I am a magnet for giant dongs. Seriously. If a guy is into me, he probably has a big penis. It’s just science at this point. I shouldn’t be complaining, I guess? But for a long time I couldn’t figure out why sex was never pleasurable for me. The guy would always finish — but I’d be left feeling like I just got run over by a truck. And the next day have to pop, like, two Aleve because I was so sore. Big penises can also inhibit the positions you can do. Doggy style was just a total no-go because it went way too deep, and even on top was tricky.” — Elizabeth, 25
The problem with big penises are condoms. They are a serious issue with guys who have big wangs. One guy I dated was so big, it just seemed like none of them worked. It would always fall out, and a couple of times it broke, which was terrifying. You also need tons and tons of lube. It just interrupts everything, all the starting and stopping. You either need to adjust the condom, or add more lube. When I was dating that guy, I swear we went through like a bottle of lube every couple of weeks.” — Kara, 26